21 down, 10 to go!

Two thirds of the way done. It seems like I've been driving downtown every weekday morning for radiation for months now, but it's only been one month. Two more weeks and I'll be done (hopefully, that's assuming there aren't any other breaks for broken machines or bad weather or illness). The good parts have been getting to stop at Whole Foods on the way home any day I want and pick up lunch or groceries, meeting some nice people in the rad waiting room, the drive downtown, especially the pretty parts by the river. The bad parts have been having every morning taken up by the getting there, being there and getting home, the drive downtown (while pretty, it is getting tedious), laying on my back with my hands up over my head for 15 to 30 minutes on a rock hard table and not moving, trying not to cough and sneeze while on the table, and worrying about snow and ice making the roads bad. The best part is that I feel a whole lot better than I expected to and that my back pain is much, much better (in fact what little is left may just be regular old back pain, the kind that comes and goes).

It's hard to think that getting cancer treatments could become a way of life for me, hopefully not anytime soon, but it may at some point. It's hard to think of voluntarily putting myself through more of this, like if my med onc suggests preventative chemo (I don't know that he will, but he's going to suggest something when I see him later in March). There are days when I feel I've just had enough, days I just feel depressed by it all and would like to go to bed and sleep for a few days (or weeks or months- but I never do, sleep doesn't come easy enough unfortunately). Most days I'm okay though, especially if I see an end in sight (for the treatments I mean). Most of the time I just try to get through each day and not think too far ahead (at least in terms of the depressing stuff- planning fun things is totally different). Sometimes I think I know too much, but sometimes knowing is a good thing. Sometimes I just need to go eat dessert ;-)