Happy 11th Birthday Z.

Eleven! It's been eleven years since that day you were born, the day that I can still remember so clearly. It's so hard to believe that the 29 week preemie with the squeaky cry (that sounded a lot like a cat meowing) is the same girl. In fact these days you are mistaken for a boy an awful lot. This has been the year of the boy. You've had very definite ideas about your "look" which involves nothing feminine, thank you very much. It's boys clothes, the bigger and baggier the better, and the preference is for your hair to hang into your eyes as much as possible.

This is the year where you've been experimenting more with your independence. Definite ideas about things, yet still young enough to be excited to tell me all about your imaginary stories (aka "the comic"). We got rid of a LOT of toys, and a LOT of books, all things you decided you had outgrown. We redid your bedroom, taking it from the 5 year old pink girl's room to the cool preteen room. You recently finished Lower School and will be moving up to Middle School this fall. You don't hold my hand in the parking lot or while crossing the street anymore. You'll still be seen in public with me, but if I say something you deem "embarrassing", even if it's said really softly and there is no one near us for hundreds of feet, I get reprimanded. You have to wear a good strong deodorant every day and use acne products. The struggle with all that puberty has brought has been hard, you would much prefer not to be quite that grown up.

You gained confidence this year with your piano lessons. You got your Level 1 piano certification and had your first performance in front of an audience. You didn't want to do either of them, but once done you were proud of your achievements. You started 4th grade very angry and ended it very happy.

It was the year of "the Angels", the four 8th grade girls that you idolized all year. You have a mad crush on at least one of them and have spent hours and hours enjoying that feeling. Your favorite subjects this year were gym and science. You have pushed yourself athletically and have made great improvements. Currently you think you'd like to be a zoologist, but if not, some kind of scientist at least. The subject you probably had the best comments on in your report cards was Social Studies, but you never talk about that being something you really like.

It's been a year of both exasperation and being so proud of you that I thought I would burst. Mostly it's been a year of tremendous growth, both physically and emotionally. It's been a turning point for me as I can see clearly now that my little girl is gone and you are beginning that long journey towards independence. I have had to learn to let go in many ways, yet stand close by to catch you if you fall. The safety net. It's just the beginning, these preteen years, and I am doing the best I can to help you navigate these difficult waters, but stay out of your way and let you be yourself. It's not easy, really not easy, and it feels like it's just much too soon. But it's where you are now and we are all doing the best we can, day by day, moment by moment. It's been a growing experience for me too, learning how to appreciate whatever closeness we do have and not take the pushing away personally.

I love you Z. Happy 11th Birthday!

Love, Mom