Sick & thinner

I'm home sick with an annoying cough/cold thing I probably got from Z. who had it last weekend. Feeling just well enough to be bored but I'm not feeling well enough to really do too much. I'm staying home from the Wellness Community these next few days so I don't expose anyone there to my germs, so I'm missing art class and 2 groups. I cancelled my acupuncture appt. this morning, which kind of irked my acupuncturist a bit as he thought it was like canceling an appt. with your dr. because you're sick, but I mostly didn't want drive 35+ minutes each way when I wasn't feeling well and I see him for my back, not colds (yeah, yeah, whatever). Got up early for the cleaning person who said she'd be here at 8:30am (when will I ever learn?) and is still not here at 2pm (but she's on her way!)

But the good news is (drumroll please) that because of the changes in my diet I've made for my prediabetes and Megace induced blood sugar rises I have lost 13 pounds! It's so damn cold here that I'm wearing so many layers of clothes that it's not like anyone can tell, but I know they are gone! I now weigh a bit less than I did before being diagnosed with the recurrence over a year ago. I feel much better, less puffy, able to move better, etc. Since my original endo cancer diagnosis in 2004 I have slowly but steadily gained weight (50 pounds all told) with very little losing (a few pounds a few times) which has been pretty darn depressing. So even though the Megace is supposed to increase ones appetite and cause weight gain I've managed to lose in spite of it (not eating much helps I guess!) My fasting blood sugars are still above normal (in the prediabetic range, usually between 100 and 115) but I'm okay with that for now.

A friend said that my medical oncologist probably wouldn't be happy with my weight loss (they are usually the only drs. who like fat patients), but I told her I still have plenty of reserves, so I don't think it will be a problem :-)

The other nice side benefit is my blood pressure is great (at least at home, I haven't had it taken at the drs. office for a while)! 

The thing about losing weight for me is that it's a sign of hope. I wouldn't bother doing all this if I were going to die tomorrow, so regardless of what is actually happening in my body (I won't know till after my scan on March 13th) I am at least feeling like there is good enough hope to put myself through all this. One of the reasons I gained all that weight in the first place was chipping away at hope (which usually reared it's ugly head in the evening) and the whole "what the hell I may as well eat cake" attitude, knowing all along that I was risking my health in the process. Kind of a passive aggressive thing I think.

But right now the sun is shining and my house is being cleaned (and not by me!) and I've actually accomplished something (by writing this blog post), so even if I'm sick and I can't eat cake, my world is a pretty good place today.