I'm feeling kind of cranky today. I just got mad at the refrigerator for having old food hidden in the back because it's a stupidly designed refrigerator where I can't see anything past the stuff in the front. So I started throwing old food out of it and onto the floor (just the plastic containers, I had the sense not to throw any glass ones). Poor A.'s standing there trying to get out of the line of fire while old hummus and cottage cheese containers go whizzing by.
It's a drizzly, gray fall day, but that's not why I'm cranky. I've had workers in my house every weekday (and some of the weekend days) working on our two bathroom renovations for a month with at least another month or so to go which adds to the crankiness, but it's not the main reason I'm cranky. A.'s been out of work since mid-July which can be stressful (but also nice to have him around more, especially with the work being done on the house) but it's not making me cranky. There's about 15 other things going on that might make me cranky, but those aren't it either. I'm cranky because my back hurts and it has been for about a week and a half now. I get muscle knots all over my back, they are kind of always there but flare up from time to time. This time it's really a mess, basically hurting me from my neck down my right side all the way down to mid-thigh with a more concentrated pain in my lower back/hip/upper thigh area where the knots are the biggest. Now, it's not the pain itself, although that does get in the way of me doing all the things I'd like to do. It's that any ache or pain I have for more than a day or two makes me crazy. Ask any cancer survivor, they will know exactly what I mean. Most of the time I can live my life day to day without obsessing about my shaky mortality. I know, having survived later stage cancer twice, that it can come back at any time or that a new one could crop up at any time. Normally I choose to keep this information in the back of my mind, not the front. But when pain is either persistent, or unfamiliar in some way, it becomes front and center and I get depressed and cranky. It's like a harsh slap in the face, shaking me out of my pleasant "it can't touch me" denial, saying "what makes you think you have all this time ahead of you?". Add in the gray, drizzly day and the other stresses in my life right now and I'm feeling pretty blah.
Nothing in particular to be done about it, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and go on. A good friend is coming over for Halloween tacos tonight (a tradition in our house) so I'm going to go bake some cookies with Z. for dessert and then start cooking dinner. The ibuprofen is kicking in so maybe I'll even forget about it for a while tonight while we enjoy our dinner and company.
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Ramblings on being a mom, cancer survivor, artist, etc.
2 comments:
{{{{hugs}}}} Michele!! I was just discussing pain relievers with a co-worker last week (I was complaining about the occasional aches in my shoulder) and she said when she had some back spasms this summer, her "touchy feely Rolfing guy" told her to get the prescription form of Alleve (she used the drug name, but I forget what it is - naproxen or something like that?). She said it worked really well. Can you try Alleve instead of ibuprofen?
I hope you had fun with your taco friend - and hey, you gave me an idea for a quick dinner on Tuesday night!
Thanks Tricia! During my first cancer, when I was having a lot of pelvic pain (and back/hip pain) they gave me that, it was called Anaprox (the brand name). Shortly after that they came out with the otc version (naproxen sodium is the generic name) which was just slightly weaker than the prescription type was. One of the good things about it is you only have to take it twice a day. Thanks for the suggestion!
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